Q: Hi! So, there’s this guy I dated about 4 years back, and now we’re good friends…like really good friends. We have a history that I think is rare. I know it sounds stupid but we met online and I could feel that he was the one. I actually had this feeling in me which hasn’t gone away since. Over the past 4 years, we’ve gone from strangers, to a couple, to enemies, to frienemies, to acquaintances, to friends, to good friends, to friends with benefits and now we’re really good friends again…and during that whole period we always needed each other in both our lives. There was always something there. Even now there’s something there, even though he has a girlfriend. We still have that connection. Like he knows which buttons to press of mine and I of his. I still love him, but I don’t know whether to let him go or keep holding on and hoping one day he’ll be mine….please help.
A: It sounds like you have a complicated and deep relationship that’s filled with highs and lows. You could be right and maybe you will end up with him, but he has made the clear choice to move on to a new relationship. You two broke up for a reason. You have to respect that he’s with someone else, just as he has to respect you. Of course you two can maintain a friendship. But reality is that you are still very much in love with him, so pretending to be “just friends” is really not fair to you and your emotions. I forsee much more heartache for you if you continue being the girl on the outside waiting. Why not move on with your life and focus on yourself and your passions? Trust me, I know it’s painful to let go of something that’s familiar and you want to cling to, but you have to ask yourself, are you really happy in this on again, off again relationship? I say loosen your grip on your dream of being with him and see what comes naturally. If you and your guy are truly meant to be, you will find a way back to each other.