I don’t know why I cry
But I think it’s cause I remembered for the first time
Since I hated you
That I used to love you
-Used to Love You, Gwen Stefani
I’m not going through a breakup, but damn, that’s not stopping me from listening to great breakup ballads by Adele and pretend I’m pining over someone. The powerful, raw lyrics take a glimpse into the minds and hearts of every girl whose walked away from a relationship. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had our hearts broken or worse, yet…had to break someone else’s heart.
So, how do you get over it quickly and painlessly? That’s an easy answer-you don’t. Sorry ladies who are in the midst of a breakup! As most of you know, you will grieve each relationship differently. I think it depends on many factors- how long you dated, how invested you were, the circumstances of the ending. But don’t swear off love completely. There are definitely many tips I’ve learned from my many heartbreaks to help you pick up the pieces and move on…stronger and better than ever.
#1. Nothing like spending QT time with your girls rehashing what a complete douche your ex was. Buttt, after a few weeks, even your friend who is the best listener in the world is gonna get a lil sick of hearing how (insert name here) didn’t deserve you. Time to move on to tip #2.
#2. Going to the bar to drink away your sadness or looking for guys on dating apps can be disheartening after awhile, let’s just be honest. I don’t recommend this while you’re still in a bad mental state after a breakup. Here’s an idea you won’t regret in the morning-spend time with your friends trying out some NEW things you’ve always wanted to, but never made the time for. Ok-quick mental list-what are 3 things you’ve been dying to do…Skydiving, spinning, a photography workshop, art museum, cooking class?? Make it happen. You will be so focused on enjoying a new experience and making new memories that you won’t be feeling sad about old ones. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
#3. Don’t become a borderline stalker. You know what I’m talking about-creeping on his insty, FB, & snapchat. Unfollow, unfriend, delete. Out of site, out of mind. Unfortunately, you may HAVE to see him if you go to the same school, work at the same job or have mutual friends. In this case, fake it until you make it. Put on a smile, say hi and keep on walking. Of course, if he did something awful, then just keep walking.
#4. You may want to slap me for saying this, but I’m gonna say it anyways. Stay positive. Do not let the negativity eat you alive. Yes, you will find a nice guy (or girl) out there someday. Yes, they do exist. Yes, you are worthy. Yes, I get it that you’ve been a bridesmaid 481 times, but it will be your turn one day, dammit. No, you won’t die an old cat lady. I believe that there is love out there for everyone and it truly depends on timing. Are you ready? Is this the right time in your life for love? Waiting sucks, I get it. I’m the worst at that. I’ve learned that you have to trust the timing of your life. And in the process of waiting for what you want, guess what you get to do? ENJOY LIFE. Which brings me to #5…
#5. One of my friends loved being single because she looked at it as an adventure. She welcomed the unknowing, the possibility of what would happen, who she would meet. This was a fab perspective cause there was no pressure, only excitement. Another friend of mine who recently became single decided to get a new job, move across the country and begin anew. She now has the freedom to do that, which is so awesome. We recently chatted and she’s off to vacay in London to see a friend and decided to spend an extra day exploring Amsterdam by herself. Um, how cool is that? Kinda jelly.
Breakups cause a temporary upheaval in your life, but it doesn’t last forever. You get to walk away, armed with lessons learned. You’ll have a better understanding of the kind of person you want to be with and the kind of person you want to be in your next relationship.